I read through my 2011 journal entries last night. I will not pretend and say that I felt like I was looking into the journal of a completely different person. Doubtless though, it was from a vantage point that I read through these words scribbled in the lonely hours of the night; I was detached. Yet I could still recognise myself in there, still feel an echo of the emotions that emanated from the words. Emotions that overwhelmed me once.
So while part of me wanted to laugh at how silly I was – the part that was removed, isolated by time and recovery – another part of me was shocked as I was reminded how broken I was, how melancholy; it was still a very real part of my life that occurred not too long ago after all.
I talked to you about it but I am not sure if you understood the pain that I referred to, much less the emotions that revisiting the past had brought out. Nonetheless, it felt nice to have you talk me through it. And I am thankful for that.
More importantly though, I saw in this His wonderful saving grace that He poured out on me. 2011 really is not that long ago. And for me to have risen from that without much help from others is truly amazing. I never really realised the extent of change I had undergone in these two years till now and it is indeed a testament of His love. If He could save me from that, what can’t He do?
“For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths, from the realm of the dead.” – Psalm 86:13