“He brings a lightness into my life.”

That’s what my friend said about why she is with the person she is with. No doubt there are many more layers than that which cannot be put into words, but I think it is rather meaningful.

I have always thought that similar people would always be great together. I think it is natural, to look out for people who are like you. They understand you, like the same things as you do, laugh at the same jokes. Sure, “opposites attract” is a nice phrase to coin but I never truly believed it. I always paid lip service to the idea that different rules apply in different situations, but I think I believed that in general, one could only be happy with someone whom you were alike to.

But now I am not so sure. In particular, with regards to how heavy a person is. Now I am not being superficial here, but rather referring to the main theme of Milan Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being. That is, lightness vs weight. He proposes that there are “heavy” people, and “light” people. You should read the book to understand, but suffice to say that the former attach more meaning to things, and are generally more intense about their emotions and convictions, feeling a need to attach weight to events, while the latter is marked by a refusal to be tied down, and a more flippant way of going through life.

I have been thinking and I realise that a match of light and heavy is perhaps for the better. While lightness easily attracts lightness, the bond formed would inherit the same lightness which brought them together. As such, it would be just as weightless as the couple, lacking in depth. Similarly, although heaviness might understand heaviness, it would only breed further heaviness which would bog down the relationship. And so although a match of heaviness and lightness might lead to a lack of understanding and naturally even conflict in dispositions, it might be the best (only?) option. In a way, it is complementary. The light serves to mitigate the intensity of the heavy, while the heavy serves to ground the light.

But of course this is just one aspect of relationships, which are ever so complicated.


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