We were talking yesterday in cell about how our lives have been changed by the knowledge what Christ has done for us in His great love, by the wonderful mystery that is the gospel. While there is no doubt evidence of such a change in my own life, I couldn’t help but feel hard-pressed to pinpoint what exactly those changes are, or even in what areas, but could only say that my entire outlook has changed, as if fitted with a lens of faith. Yet that hardly does it justice, for I was brought from such darkness, into such wonderful light; So many things have changed: my emotions, my thoughts, my priorities, my focus, my motivations. I felt so conflicted because on one hand to draw focus to any one aspect would be presenting much less than the whole, and yet to describe the whole would necessitate vague and imprecise expressions which would be just as inaccurate.
In any case though, what really struck me was the song after. It was a song that we have sung many times, a song that I really love and the lyrics of which I know by heart. It was Amazed, by Lincoln Brewster. One part goes, You dance over me / While I am unaware / You sing all around / But I never hear a sound. And it hit me there; Through all that darkness, all that blindness, that pride, that self-rule and negligience of God, He was there all the time. And He wasn’t there frowning down upon me, being all angry and wrathful. No, He was dancing over me, He was singing all around. It was a heart-wrenching image to conjure; There God was beside me all those years, silently reproaching me and prompting me. And there I was, blind to His presence, deaf to His voice, living my own life according to my own will, defying the Almighty God. And yet He continued to draw me towards Him, however long a detour it took. How could He have endured such mockery? How could He still dance over me? Such grace and mercy eludes me, and overwhelms my soul.