Again I find my sensitivity to words a huge curse.
A label? Can it simply be that? Could it have been this whole time? My memory blurs at the thought – a single word threatens to unravel everything. I see the beauty slipping away into dullness, feel my assurance crumbling into doubt. Could two minds be so close and yet, so very far? My heart writhes at its own foolish idealism, tearing my head from the clouds.
But of course you remain unmoved, once again oblivious to the work of your hands. Your casual affirmation, your careless daggers, they prove too weightless for me. Yes this is all that this is – another frustrating sign of your flippancy. What is there to keep you from floating away into the vast ocean of weightlessness, where I cannot go? Oh, how I long to hold fast to you, like a bollard does to a boat. Yet what good will that do? A heart forced to stay loses its charm. The waves continue to pull at it, making it rock with the desire to flee. It will never let you forget that it longs to be somewhere else – forever it will tug at the ropes, straining them, fraying them. It will forever be simply a boat unhappily kept at bay. And so I hide my urges, and instead seek to charm your heart to choose to stay. I tie my loose shy knots on you. But alas, loose knots are no knots at all, and again and again you unravel my efforts. Again and again you slip from my hesitant fingers.