You have made My heart beat faster

I have decided to revive this blog.

Skip over this next part if you are uninterested about the thought behind that decision.

I am not entirely sure what that is going to look like yet, but I envision it going on a different path than what it used be. I think part of the reason I stopped posting was because writing used to be very much tied up with a certain season of my life which was marked by overthinking, an unhealthy thought-life, and sadness. Writing was very much my catharsis, yet it too became shot through with a sense of the melancholy. It wasn’t the case that everything I wrote about was sad, but writing as an act still became inexplicable from a certain paradigm and season that I was in. Leaving that woods has somehow decreased the urge/need to write. 

But I have begun to recognise that writing is still a good practice, and have been meaning for a long time to get back to doing it more often. As said however, I am not too sure how this endeavour is going to go, but I shall let it take shape as it goes.

The first thing I wished to write about was something that has really struck me and changed the way I have been thinking about God. It came from a single verse:

“You have made My heart beat faster, my sister, my bride;

You have made My heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes.”

– Songs of Solomon 4:9

When I read this, I literally had to take a pause.

We know that Jesus is the bridegroom. We are the bride. Jesus is therefore here speaking to us telling us that we make His heart beat faster with a single glance of our eyes.

What even?

Take a minute to imagine that for a while. When I read it, I thought of those boy-meets-girl scenes. I see Jesus, standing from afar, gazing at us. He is in love. He’s smitten. He’s awe-struck. If He could be at a loss for words, He would. If He weren’t omniscient, He would be totally oblivious to His surroundings. He is staring at us, taking delight in the smallest of our actions – a furrow in our brow, a throw-away smile.

And then suddenly, by some chance, we turn to look at Him.

He gasps. He fumbles with the Book of Life, almost drops it. His heart beats faster.

His day is made. By a single glance.

Wow. I don’t know about you, but that blew my mind. We speak of keeping our eyes on Jesus, and how that makes us better. Makes us calm, steady, anchored. But seldom do we consider what it does to God. Because He desires our gaze too. He longs for it. He stands there waiting for us to just glance at Him. He tries all sorts of ways to make that happen, like a shy teenage boy trying to get the attention of a girl. He walks past us five times in an hour. He speaks extra loudly around us. He shows off in front of us with miracles and small acts of wonder.

And when we look at Him, He loves it. And He is affected by it. His heart flutters. How powerful is that??

His love isn’t just a theological concept. He doesn’t love us from afar on His high and mighty throne. No – His heart literally beats for us. For me, this is incredibly significant because it becomes so much easier to love a God that loves so powerfully. It becomes not so much about forcing myself to desire Him, but simply responding to His desire.

He is there. Waiting for us to look at Him. Will we turn our gaze today? Will we make His heart beat faster?

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in His wonderful face,

And the heart of Christ will beat strangely fast,

In the gaze of His sister and bride.